The Blog
AS FEATURED IN:
MONEY
PARENTING
CAREER
MOVING ON
Eight Survival Tips for Living Together while Divorcing
Soon to be exes living under the same roof while a divorce is divorce is no picnic for the parties, much less any children involved. Uncomfortable at best, torture at worst, some common questions one may ask are “How on earth do we coexist under potentially hostile and awkward conditions?” “What if I do my part and he/she is still disrespectful/obstructive and in denial?”, “How do we not let this disrupt the kids?” While the imagery of a butterfly growing and developing whilst trapped in a chrysalis, comes to mind, I recognize that living under the same roof as your soon-to-be ex may not be quite so lovely. Here are eight survival tips to get you through this time until you are free to fly.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce
The emotional turmoil of divorce, characterized by depths of despair one day and euphoric highs the next, can aptly be compared to a rollercoaster. While some may enjoy living on the edge, I certainly did not appreciate the unpredictable twists and turns that came at breakneck speed during my own divorce. As I stood in line waiting with sweaty palms and a racing heart, I prepared myself for an unforgettable ride, but not in the way I would like. Here are the stages I encountered and lessons I learned along the way.
Should I Keep the Home in the Divorce?
Whether or not to keep the house in your divorce is a sensitive decision and understandably so, of all assets to a couple's name, the marital home usually holds the most financial and sentimental value. There are three major areas of consideration when deciding what to do with your house during a divorce. The largest, and most obvious is the financial, but there are also practical and emotional components to think about as you weigh your options.
Ten Tips For A Peaceful Divorce
Ten helpful tips to keep your divorce peaceful even if you are dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic spouse. You may not achieve the perfect “conscious uncoupling” but you may just save some sanity and real money in legal bills.
An A-Ha Parenting Moment on National Single Parent Day
March 21 is National Single Parent Day. A parenting tip for connection that got me through the mom guilt of divorce
Divorce Trapped Me, But I Have an Exit Strategy
Every divorced person I have encountered has a story with underlying tones of feeling fleeced, cheated or trapped. I fall into the latter and have dug deep for peace using these steps. My formula ignores the obvious, which is the fact that for many, divorce can bring profound freedom. Emotional freedom or perhaps even freedom from abuse, addiction or adultery. Don’t give any more energy to what you cannot change or control. Be open to the possibility that this situation could actually give you wings to fly.
Building Tolerance for Uncertainty During Divorce
Fear of the unknown during a divorce is like being in a cave of inky darkness. Having experienced the breathtaking worry of not knowing where I will be living, how I will make a living and where my children will be on which night of the week, I am able to validate and relate to anyone dealing with this. Here are some pointers to cope with uncertainty and instability during divorce and beyond.
How do I know I am ready to forgive?
Forgiveness, at the end of the day, is less about them and more about setting you free, about releasing your spirit. Forgiveness does not equal condoning behavior. Here are five signs that indicate you are ready to forgive, or perhaps have already forgiven, your ex-spouse or the circumstances that led to your divorce.
A Divorced Parent’s Guide to the Holiday Blues
This time of year can be difficult for the general population with increased financial and family stressors, as well as societal pressure around what should be the most “wonderful time of the year.” This is especially true for divorced parents when the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s means sharing children and splitting holidays with an ex-spouse. Here are some suggestions for warding off, or at least reducing holiday loneliness.
Be-Do-Have Coparenting
“Who do I need to be? As that person, what would I need to do in order to have happiness?” It helps even more, to find a role model, someone that seems to have a great relationship with their ex-spouse where the child/ren are at the center, not in the middle. I have the perfect example that comes to mind…. During COVID when salons were closed my friend’s ex, learnt how to adjust her extensions and reapply them for her.
Finding Gratitude in Divorce
It was the ancient Greeks that said, “an unexamined life is not worth living.” If you take the time to truly examine the impact on your life of divorce or other challenges, you may just be amazed at what you overturn. I, for one, am going into this season of Thanksgiving with immense gratitude for my divorce and a second chance at a life worth living. Here are some prompts to help you get there too.
Uncomfortable Questions
In even the most amicable of circumstances, divorce is still a transition that may call for more than a self-help book, a do-it-yourself program or google. Private coaching can be a game-changer. If you show up to each session, commit to the process and complete the action steps in between, you will notice considerable improvement in your confidence and decision making, hit milestones and feel an overall sense of leaning into your best self.
What Does a Divorce Coach Do and Why Do I Need One?
Coaching, particularly during divorce, is anything but superfluous and rather specialized support to help you get from where you are now to where you want to be as you navigate closing one chapter and starting another. In fact, I would go so far as to say that engaging a good coach can save you time, money and unnecessary stress in the long run by dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce at a much lower hourly rate than a lawyer.
Do You Have a Happy Place?
My suitcase is packed, ready to return to my girls refreshed, and with all kinds of goodness to inspire the mental journey to my happy place. Let’s face it, with the challenges of single parenting, coparenting and navigating the realities of divorce, I will be drawing on this useful cognitive tool a lot.
Emotional Regulation During Divorce and it’s Aftermath
I wound up as a single-parent in my early forties, out-numbered by button-pushing, tantrummy and back-talking little humans, triggered by them and triggered by their other parent. It became essential to have coping mechanisms on hand to control my rising temper, especially since the responsibility of modeling mature behavior mostly fell onto me as their primary caregiver.
Five Reasons a COVID Divorce Was the Best Kind of Divorce
The ending of my marriage, my divorce and its aftermath synched up perfectly with the timing of COVID. An oddly named virus gained increasing media attention at the exact point I was forced to admit my marriage had reached a point of no return.
Lessons from my Divorce, to Bill and Melinda Gates
“More money, more problems,” anyone fortunate enough should take special note, even Bill and Melinda Gates
Awakening from my Virtual Reality
Gradually my virtual reality of loss, fear, betrayal and grief after a divorce shifted into something that resembled, dare I say, “glass half full” thinking?
‘Til Zoom Do Us Part
Memories of my wedding day flooded back as our divorce was finalized on Zoom.